Mercy - A Birth Story

What a wonderful story this is. I have been wanting and waiting to write it, but just haven’t been able to until now. Be forewarned, it’s going to be a long one.

Of course the story begins with pregnancy, but it started getting interesting about 7 months in.

My first birth experience with Jude was pretty spectacular, so I was a little nervous about my expectations of the second. I didn’t really know what to expect, except for it to be awesome in a different way. And awesome it was, but definitely different on so many levels.

From the very beginning we were asking the Lord to show us who our baby was, and to tell us what its name should be. We came up with a few solid boy name options, which weren’t very helpful once we found out at 16 weeks that we were having a girl (Yay!). We had no girl names yet.

One name that came up about 5 months in was the name Mercy. I saw it on a website and it stood out to me, but I really wanted to hear clearly from the Lord about it. I put it in my back pocket and moved on. It remained the only name that either of us was drawn to. As far as a middle name went, we were totally without.

There was a conference we had watched from Glory of Zion via webcast at the beginning of the year and from it were sent a painting representing one of the twelve tribes of Israel with a correlating meaning with one of the Hebrew months of the year. There are twelve paintings total, all by the same artist and I have wanted one for I don’t know how long. I was excited to finally get one, but was a little ‘eh’ feeling about the print we received. I guess I was kinda hoping for the tribe of Judah or Benjamin, one that was a little more familiar. But we received the tribe of Gad.  I didn’t know anything about Gad, but I was excited anyhow, and felt very blessed to finally have one. About the time that we found out we were having a girl (middle of May), I realized that I had accidently (probably thanks to pregnancy brain) thrown the painting away in the box it came in. I was seriously grieved, and felt so much guilt and shame over it. For months, every time I thought about it I found myself saying, “Oh gosh, I can’t believe I threw that away.” It felt like I was in a battle over it and about the beginning of August I finally forgave and released myself, and asked the Lord to restore what was lost.

About a week later, Elijah and I got out our book “A Time to Advance” to read about the significance of the next Hebrew month we were entering into. Oddly enough, it was the month connected with Gad! By this time we were seriously pressing into the Lord about what to name our little girl and were waiting as patiently as possible for His answer, not really sharing with anyone the names we were considering. We began reading the characteristics for the month of ELUL. “The month that ‘the King is in the field’. Approach Him and allow His countenance to shine on you. The month to fix what has been broken. The ‘mother’ month – month of nurturing.” The Hebrew word for the month, YUD, actually means: Appointed MERCY from the hand of God, with the scripture correlation “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine! We read some more… “ELUL is called “the month for repentance,” “the month for forgiveness,” “the month for MERCY.” God speaks to us in many different ways, but as we were reading through this, we heard Him say very clearly that her name was to be MERCY. Pretty cool. But if that’s not enough, it gets even cooler J We went to bed that night knowing our baby girl’s first name, but still completely in the dark about a middle name. I layed in bed awake and unable to sleep for a while. All of a sudden I heard the word LIEL (pronounced Lee-Elle). I knew it was a Hebrew word, as ten years ago I had spent a year at bible school with a girl from Israel who was named Liel. I thought it was beautiful. I got out my phone and googled the Hebrew meaning. This is what I found: LIEL – “God is mine and I belong to God.”

In case you don’t get it yet, let me re-state that: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

I woke Elijah and told him what I had heard. He liked it too.

The next morning on my way to work I couldn’t help myself. I told my co-worker that her name was Mercy Liel. I was that confident.

Later that afternoon Elijah had shared with me that a patient had come into his office first thing in the morning. She had several kids, including a 6 month old. They started talking about babies and he shared with her that his wife was pregnant with a girl. She asked him if we had a name yet, and he (after holding in the name ideas per my request for the past few months) felt released to tell her, “Mercy Liel.” Immediately the woman exclaimed, “Liel! That is my baby’s middle name too!” At that point, he was confident as well. Later that evening when we both got home from work we were like, “yep, that’s totally it!” So that was pretty exciting, and it was really special to have our daughter named by God. And I am thankful that God has good taste (at least in our opinion J).

I was due October 28^th, 2012. Our son Jude had arrived 10 days past his due date, and I was pretty sure our little girl would be late too. The big presidential election was coming up close behind, and I joked, “Wouldn’t it be funny if we had Mercy on Election Day?”

We had just started utilizing the principles of The Exchange in our lives toward the middle of my pregnancy, so we were starting to get more familiar and eager to deal with our past junk and get free, and also deal with our generational junk so our kids could walk in freedom from our stuff as well. It was exciting and special to be walking with the Lord during such a crazy time in our life with all that was going on. I quit my job and became a stay-at-home-mom at the time we heard the Lord say to do so, which was mid September, actually two days after my birthday. What a blessing! And since then we have watched the Lord miraculously come through for us financially.

Mercy’s due date was getting closer and closer and closer… I had gotten pretty miserable, and finally to the point one night where I cried out to the Lord for the grace to keep moving forward. The next morning I woke up, and it was like someone had pushed my ‘reset’ button. Obviously God had answered me quickly (I was that bad! Sorry friends, and thanks for putting up with me). I was refreshed and ready to wait as long as it took to birth this baby. I wanted her to be born on God’s schedule, whatever that may be, and I surrendered myself and the birth to Him. Finally, there went my due date with no sign of baby. I did everything in the book to get things moving, wondering if I was being impatient. I pumped for hours (literally), walked miles, ate spicy food, rode in the car on bumpy roads, had my membranes stripped… nothin’. We asked the Lord if there was anything else we should do, and we always felt like he was saying to just wait and be patient.

Six days past my due date, I was starting to get discouraged. We had spent the day doing more of the labor inducing tactics; all but castor oil which is what I had done with Jude (went into labor and had him in 3 hours). That evening I called to update my midwife – no progress. I had had some consistent BX contractions, but they stopped after I went walking. We were wondering if we should do the castor oil, but Cathy was a little resistant. She asked if she could pray for us over the phone, and of course we said YES PLEASE! She asked the Lord to give Elijah specifically a very clear word about how to move forward. I was a little jealous at first that she would ask God to speak to Elijah about it, but I am so glad she did! As soon as we hung up with her, Elijah had a word. He didn’t tell me what it was yet though. He got out some paper and started scribbling. After he was finished he said he had some questions for me. He asked me to tell him all the things I desired for this birth. I kept it pretty basic: I wanted to have a successful home birth, I wanted her to be born in the water, I wanted it to be a peaceful birth, I wanted it to be a fast labor, I wanted to not tear, to not hemorrhage (like I had with Jude), I wanted it to not be painful, and I wanted it to be soon. That was my list. Elijah wrote down my answers, and then he read me the word that the Lord had told him. Basically what he heard the Lord say was that I didn’t need to do castor oil and that He wanted me to ask him for what I wanted because “he wanted to come through for me.” This for some reason hit a deep place in me and I began to weep. I felt His presence so strong, like he was actually physically sitting there holding me. He also said that he wanted us to go out and celebrate with our family of 3 for the last time. It was awesome, and we both got pretty excited…

Maybe a little too excited and took the “celebrate for the last time” as, “celebrate your last night as…” So I decided I was going to really believe the Lord that the baby was going to be born the next day (Sunday, Nov. 4). Can I just say, uh oh!

The next morning I was ready to have a baby, I was declaring all over the place that God promised me she would be born on this day, and that he was going to come through for me. I started having BX contractions again and had them all day, but they jumped all over the place. We told Cathy that God had told us the baby would be born that day, so we kept in touch, waiting for the contractions to get consistent. She came over to our apartment around 7 PM, and we called our friend Lisa over to watch Jude. At about 9 PM my contractions just STOPPED. My hope was dwindling fast. Cathy suggested I go to bed and relax, since a lot of times relaxing can lead to labor picking back up again. She prepped to spend the night on the couch, and poor Lisa slept on the floor in Jude’s room. Elijah and I went to bed, pretty sure I was crying, and thinking “C’mon God, you’ve got 3 hours left to come through on your word.” Elijah told me he was sorry, that it was likely he got so excited that he translated that part of the word incorrectly (we are all human, right?).

The next thing I knew it was 5 AM on Monday. No baby. Cathy was awake and getting ready to leave for a birth seminar she was scheduled to speak at. She came in to see how I was doing emotionally, and checked me to see if I had progressed at all before she left, and I had!... Half a centimeter – ugh, that’s it seriously?! I was at 3.5 CM, after having been 3 for the last 2 weeks. Lisa got up around the same time and went home.

I was laying in the bed utterly broken and disappointed. Elijah asked how I was doing. I told him that I was wrestling with God. I realized that I have had times in the past where I have felt like I had to “give God a pass” for not coming through for me, and that I wasn’t sure what to do this time because I recognized that I shouldn’t have to give God a pass. He’s God, right? I didn’t want to just go through the same old cycle. I also told Elijah about the dream I had.

In my dream I was on a journey with a few friends. I’ll leave out most of the details, but the main thing that kept happening was that my friends kept leaving their bags around, and I (9 months pregnant carrying a toddler around) had to keep picking up and carrying their bags for them. At the end of the dream I hit the last straw. We had been in a room that filled up with water while we were in it and when we got out and the water went down, I left Jude in the hallway with them while I went back in to get all of our bags. When I got into the room there were people that had taken all of our stuff and were forcing me to pay money to buy back all of the items that were left behind. I was mad, not only that my friends were irresponsible with their things and so I had to keep track of it all, but that I actually had to now PAY to get them back! Furious, I paid the money and stormed out of the room only to find that they had left my toddler and my bags alone in the hallway and continued on outside! OMG! I’d had it. I walked out after them, huge and pregnant, draped in bags, hauling a 2 year old. As I approached them, they were jolly and laughing having a good time and didn’t even come to meet me and help me carry all the stuff. The nerve…

Then I woke up.

Elijah asked me what I thought the dream meant and we talked for a while about its meaning. I knew the dream was from the Lord. We were asking the Holy Spirit to show us what he was trying to say through it, and felt like there was something to do with me not letting go of my ‘stuff’ from the past, and also being bothered by others who were able to just let it go. I didn’t know what to do. Elijah asked me if I wanted him to help me walk through an exchange. Reluctantly, I said yes. This was my first exchange we did together.

We silenced the voice of the enemy, bound up any blood line issues, silenced our own voices and asked the Holy Spirit to bring his revelation. Elijah asked him to show me a memory of the root issue the Lord wanted to deal with. Immediately I saw it. A memory I had actually blocked (given God a pass on). I’ve told the story to several people before about how when I was young and I went to summer camps I used to ask the Lord to give me my period before I went to camp so that I wouldn’t have to be worried about it while I was there. If you are a woman, I’m sure you can relate to not wanting to be on your period at a camp. It totally sucks. Anyway, in my story to others I have always said, “and he totally did it every time!”

The truth is, he did do it every time… except the last time.

In my memory, I was maybe 15 years old, had just started becoming cute (I had a really long awkward stage) and learning how to dress myself in a way that didn’t scream “HOMESCHOOLER!”  

I was sitting in the auditorium at camp wearing my new favorite outfit. We were told to stand up and I was so nervous that I had leaked through my shorts so that everyone behind me (including cute boys) could see. I was humiliated.

Elijah asked the Lord to take me back to the emotions of that moment and show me what I was thinking and the lies I started believing.

Lies I believed about God:

1. God doesn’t come through for me.

2. God needs a pass

3. God is not trustworthy

4. God does as little as possible for me

Lies I believed about myself:

1. It is up to me to protect myself now

2. I should hold God at a distance when it comes to believing him to do anything.

3. I need to cover up for Gods lack.

Boom, there it was. All that junk in a moment! Elijah asked him to show me where he was in the memory. I saw myself standing up in the auditorium, and there he was, standing in the row behind me.

I went through the lies, subjecting them to the cross and exchanging them for the truth:

Truth about God:

1. God always come through for me, but not always in the specific way I ask him to.

2. God does not need a pass, He is God and does not mess up.

3. God is completely trustworthy.

4. God takes care of me.

Truth about myself:

1. God is the one who protects me. I do not need to control and manipulate things to be my way.

2. God wants to be as close to me as possible, and for me to always see where he is and all that he is doing for me and in my life.

3. God does not lack or fall short, so he doesn’t need me to cover up for him.

I repented to the Lord for believing that he didn’t take care of me that day. I repented for believing the lies about him and asked him to forgive me. I repented for taking control into my own hands and for requiring God to do my will instead of me seeing His. I released control and manipulation; I forgave myself and released myself to the Lord.

Elijah asked him to show me where he was a second time. This time he wasn’t standing in the row behind me, he was a mini Jesus handing around my neck completely covering my back. Now I can honestly say that Jesus’ got my back J

My spirit was lifted and I wasn’t wrestling with God anymore. I let go of the old cycle and chose to move forward into the new.

Lastly, Elijah asked him to show me a redemptive picture.

Remember my dream? I saw it and just started weeping, totally in awe of God and his goodness. I saw the end of my dream playing out again – the part where I am carrying all the bags, my toddler, and my huge belly out to meet my friends furious that they aren’t helping me at all – but this time I walked out to meet them not carrying anything at all, completely free.

 

This would already make a great ending, but there is still a baby in my belly, remember?!

Around 11 AM Cathy called to check up on me and I was practically in Heaven. I told her all of what had happened and she was so excited! We were all SO EXCITED! I don’t know if there has ever been any woman so excited to have NOT had her baby yet. I spent the day relaxing, and Elijah went to work. It was a normal wonderful day, spent with my sweet little boy, back to patiently waiting for the Lords appointed time for our girl to be born.

The next morning, Tuesday November 6^th, ELECTION DAY, I woke up at 2 AM to what felt like a horrible stomach cramp. I got up and ran to the bathroom thinking I had eaten something that didn’t agree with me. To my surprise, nothing came out. I went back to bed. About 15 minutes later it happened again. It hit me – Maybe this is the natural start of labor! I didn’t wake up Elijah yet; I decided to start my contraction timer to see if it happened again. Sure enough, 15 minutes on the dot! It happened again, but it was a little worse. I woke Elijah and told him I thought I was in labor. He was ready to call Cathy, but I wanted to wait just a little longer to make sure it wasn’t a scare like it had been a day and a half before. After the next contraction we called Cathy. Because my labor had gone so fast with Jude, she didn’t wait to come over. She arrived around 3:30, our friend Lisa came shortly after that, and the second midwife Connie showed up soon after Lisa. We filled up the birth pool, and around 5 Am I got in it. Labor was a totally different experience for me this time. When I had Jude, I practically started labor at transition. I had maybe two contractions 5 minutes apart and then maybe two one minute apart, then non-stop contractions on top of each other until Jude was born. It was a crazy whirlwind; I hardly had time to breathe. This time, I had breaks in between each contraction so I had time to rest. It was definitely a more peaceful experience. I remember laying draped over the side of the pool and seeing the midwives and Lisa sitting on the couch and chairs around the coffee table sipping tea and chatting while they listened to my breathing and sounds. It is amazing how they could tell what stage my labor was in by the noises I made! Birth is amazing, just sayin’. The lights were low, the munch was still sleeping soundly, my husband was sitting next to me praying and giving me juice and water, rubbing my back, doing whatever I needed/wanted him to do. I used a different pool than I had last time, it had more strategic handles, and I was able to labor in a better position that didn’t require him holding me up, so I didn’t need him to be in the pool with me this time. Not a lot more to say… Labor continued like the beautiful normal way it should. By the time transition came around, it hurt like hell. I had to really concentrate on breathing because I was starting to hyperventilate. The midwives walked me through it, and not long after I was holding a sweet little baby in my arms. I was holding Mercy Liel, born on Election Day at the time that matched my due date (10/28) 10:28 AM. She was 9#13.5oz and 21.25” long, born very peacefully at home in the water. It was a relatively short labor, 8.5 hours from start to finish. Everyone was there to welcome her into the world, including her big brother Jude. I sat with her in the water until I birthed the placenta. I wanted to wait to cut the cord until later, so they waited as long as they could. Then the pool started turning dark red… so they cut it, and had me get out of the water so they could examine me. I had NO TEARING!!! So far, I had gotten everything I asked for. We had agreed before the birth that I would get a shot of pitocin when the baby’s head was out so that my uterus would immediately contract after the birth to stop any hemorrhaging. Apparently it wasn’t working. They were monitoring me closely because of what happened at Jude’s birth. They gave me Cytotec, another drug to stop the bleeding. No luck. Then Methergine… still no luck.

If you get grossed out by birth blood and guts type stuff, you may want to take a break from reading this.

Cathy had left to attend another birth before they realized there was a problem. Connie stayed with me and was becoming more and more concerned. She was about to call an ambulance to have me transported to the nearest hospital, but we decided to try one more thing… a placenta smoothie. Poor Lisa had the honor of being the first to try to cut up my placenta and luckily for her, Elijah was there soon after with a McDonald’s smoothie to combine with it. They gave it to me and I nervously started drinking it. Amazingly, it tasted like a delicious McDonald’s smoothie and nothing more!

Within 5 minutes the bleeding stopped.

No transport was necessary, and within a few minutes my baby and I were snuggled back up together in bed nursing and bonding. It was over, and she was finally here!

Initially I was not very fond of the idea, but after it being “prescribed” by my midwife, I had agreed to get my placenta encapsulated. I took it for about a month and a half, and my recovery was amazing! I had to hold myself back because I felt so good! I had very little postpartum bleeding, no out of the ordinary emotions or baby blues, nursing was easier, I had tons of energy – totally different experience from my recovery with Jude, and I am sure mostly due to the placenta thing. No wonder it is becoming such a big deal among natural birthers.

For a while I was thinking this was why the Lord allowed me to hemorrhage. It was on my list of things that I wanted to NOT happen, remember? That along with pain. Two items on my list of desires that he told me to ask for.

I finally asked him about it: What is this, and what do I do about it?

And he showed me.

Because of the fallenness of the world, pain is part of childbirth. And as much as it hurt, I felt like I could conquer anything afterward. That sense that I endured and persevered no matter what and finished well, ahhh… there’s nothing like it. That is not to discount other peoples choices of how they birth, I am only talking about me and the choices I made for mine. I accomplished what I had set out to do regarding birth – I DID IT!

Hemorrhaging – it took me a while to hear him on this one, and this is what he showed me: Not only did it WOW me about the benefits of placenta; it showed me that a HUGE bad cycle in my life had shifted! Did you notice that I never gave God a pass? I asked him where he was first and allowed myself to see him come through for me in an even better way than what I had planned.

There is nothing more important to me than moving forward with God. This was a super sweet moment for me, to know and really become confident that Christ – through the PAIN he endured on the cross – is the ultimate healer through HIS BLOOD, not only of our physical bodies, but of our souls: healing us from the inside out so that we can truly walk in freedom, leaving all our bags at the foot of the cross where they belong.