I've had several conversations with other moms, many
seeming to relate to a crazy phenomenon that I have, up until this point,
considered some special "mom-6th-sense" or something. In some ways it
has seemed like a gift or special tool that I have used to protect my kids and
keep them out of harm’s way. Do you know what I am talking about???
It's that picture you get in your head as your child
climbs up the stairs on the playground for the first time - the picture where
he loses his balance, falls backwards on his head, blood splashes everywhere
creating such a mess that you can't even see what all the damage really is
until you frantically arrive at your child's side to find his head smashed in,
arms and legs bent backward, and no breath coming from his mouth. Heart
pounding, butterflies in the stomach - you decide it is best to follow him up
the stairs to make sure that the worst case scenario stays far away from your
child. It's like a movie reel that plays across your eyes in any given
situation showing you the worst possible thing that could happen. And boy, does
it get creative!
Have you experienced this too?
I have to confess, I have made numerous, an
UNCOUNTABLE amount of decisions with the help of this "gift." And, I
have to say, that in many cases it has paid off.
HOWEVER, I recently discovered that it is a counterfeit
gift, and eventually the benefits stop adding up.
I had just laid down in bed one night and was trying
to sleep when all of the sudden my mind started spilling over with these
horrible images! Images of things that had happened in the past, how much worse
they could have been. Heads getting blown up, faces being ripped off, throats
being severed by large round plastic objects, elbows blowing out brains... I
mean, seriously! Come on! That is some crazy stuff.
I felt myself being gripped by anxiety and fear about
the future, almost found myself saying, "I'd better tighten my grip even
more to make sure nothing like this ever happens to my kids!" And then the Lord showed me: That whole thing, the movie reel, the worst case scenario pictures -
That is NOT God! That is something else!!! That is the freakin' devil!
I was pretty mad. If you don't know that much about
me, I am currently waging a HUGE war against fear in all areas of my life. I
was infuriated to find it meddling in the well being of my kids! I realized
that the devil was using my most valuable gems to keep me ensnared by, and tangled
up in fear. Pardon my French, but d*** you, devil! I instantly submitted my
thoughts to the Lord, silenced the voice of the enemy, repented to the Lord for
giving him place in my thoughts and for partnering with his stupid scheming,
cut off the root of fear in Jesus’ Name, and declared that my children belonged
to the Lord and that He was their only source of safety. Phew! And of course
the attack didn’t stop – it was like the final kick back making one last effort
to keep its place. So I warred with it until I fell asleep. I set my eyes on
Christ and followed him out of that nasty pit of fear.
After this exchange the curtain was lifted.
Unfortunately there are consequences to our actions, and even more
unfortunate is that sometimes those consequences affect others. In this case,
now I realize that my sweet children are suffering the consequences, and I don’t
take it lightly. I introduced my son to fear as soon as he was born! I am using
every other tool in my tool belt to convince him that the shower doesn’t hurt,
that water isn’t scary, that the dog won’t get him, that water balloons won’t
kill him, that he can take off his own socks, that it is okay to explore and
try new things. How many decisions did I make with fear that my son now needs
to exchange with the Lord? And he doesn’t even understand it yet! Do you see what needs to happen next?
Lord, I am sorry that my son has to deal with this
because of me. I am sorry that I aligned with the enemy regarding my children’s
safety. I repent for believing that I knew better than you. Right now, in the
name of Jesus, I forgive myself for giving place to fear. I forgive myself for
not seeing how the enemy was working. I release myself from the shame and guilt
of the consequences. Thank you for showing me the TRUTH - that you are the one
who watches over my kids, that I don’t have to worry and fret. That no matter
what happens, you are the one I turn to for guidance. Thank you for being that
accessible! – That I can just ask you, and you answer me! Thank you that I am
never alone as a parent, that I don’t have to be perfect for my kids. I know
that they may get hurt and scared sometimes, so show me how to deal with those
instances as they come. Please help Elijah and I to see how we can partner with
you now to deal with fear in Jude. Give us wisdom and understanding to redeem
the time. Show us how to cut off the seed of fear that was allowed in to his
life.
Thank you God, that even now I can see and trust
that you are sovereign, and that you’ve got it sorted. With everything inside
me, I praise you because you are The One, you are I AM, you are my redeemer.
THE TRUTH IS: If I am unsure that my child is
capable of climbing up the stairs at the playground, I can ask the Lord if I
should follow him up or not. If the Lord says to let him go alone, then I don’t
need to stand there freaking out. If I do freak out, then I need to exchange
the fear (what if he falls and I am not there to save him!) with the truth (if
he falls, God has it sorted, because he told me to let him go alone. And after
all, I am not his savior).
We can always stand on the word of God. Faith comes
by hearing – so if we hear him, we can walk through the situation in faith, not
anxiety. Big or small, God is right there to get involved and walk every step
with us. That is the REAL GIFT.
I am hugely aware that I desperately need Him.
